“You should have sex with the people you date because you need to know you are sexually compatible.” This myth would not be a myth if sex were static. But it is not. Even secular sex columnists agree that sex is composed of learned “skills.” Indeed, sex requires a level of communication, practice and patience. This reality reveals the underlying thought of the myth. The goal is not sexual compatibility, but effortless sexual compatibility.

Sexual compatibility can be achieved within marriage over time. Culture seeks compatibility that is effortless and that would require what many individuals are far too quick to avoid: work. A marriage does not have to be doomed for newlyweds who discover that the sex is not effortless; instead, it can be fortified, when a groom and a bride agree to learn together.